Last week, I was meditating on Habakkuk 2:3 "For the vision is yet for an appointed time: but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." In our Bible study on Isaiah, the concept often comes up of God's every word coming to pass, without exception. This has been increasingly true in my life of late, as so many dreams are coming to fruition.
I decided to read the entirety of the book; I felt much more ready to do this having spent so much time in Isaiah--the prophetic books are not near as intimidating now!! Habakkuk's cry to the LORD at the beginning of Chapter 1 should be echoed by anyone, believer or non-, who takes an honest look at our world: "Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds" (1:3) Why is God still putting up with our broken, desolate, destructive world? I'm sure these thoughts resounded in the heart of Noah, the only righteous man in a society of wickedness run rampant.
Listening to news reports and reading the headlines, it seems improbable that in our world of technology and digital communication, anyone is left who has not heard the truth, and an overwhelming number seem to have rejected it. What is God waiting for?! And what are we to do with this viewpoint? How are we to think, act, and pray in a world full of such vile sin? The answer comes: "I will work a work in your days which you would not believe, though it were told you." (1:5) We are to seek HIS viewpoint.
Habakkuk has an amazing understanding of God's holiness and asks a valid question: how is it that you, the Most Holy God, are choosing to continue looking upon the sinful masses of humanity, those who are destroying one another for personal gain? And yet I love Habakkuk's response 2:1 "I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer when I am corrected."
In this response, Habakkuk shows strength, humility, and trust. First, he makes a firm decision not to allow the ravages of the world to drive him into hiding in fear. He knows, as God's servant, that God has promised to "work a work", and he will not cower and risk missing what God will do. Secondly, he displays trust: he doesn't say whimperingly, "I will watch and wait and hope and pray that God hears me and responds." No. He said, "watch to see what he will say to me". There is not a doubt in Habakkuk's mind that God WILL hear him and WILL answer. Last but not least comes humility. I was astonished, struck by his obvious expectation that he didn't have a full understanding, and he was eager to hear God's corrective response.
Do I come to the Lord this way? I think not, most of the time. It's so much easier to just pray, telling God how I see it, and then say, "Okay, God, great talking to you; thanks for your time. Amen." How much deeper in my understanding and wisdom could I go if I allowed the Lord to correct my thinking?
All of this brings me back around to the world and its obvious state of decay. I don't know why God is allowing so much pain and sorrow as a result of sin, and I don't know why he sits back and watches the forces of evil reap so much victory. But I acknowledge that God is all-powerful, and he has not ignored the state of our world. He will come. He will not delay. I pray I am standing on my watch, set upon a rampart, waiting for him.
January 23, 2011
January 18, 2011
Change...friend or foe?
When I graduated from HS and headed for college, I remember being asked by one of my youth pastors to write something for their youth group blog. I wrote on change, how hard it was, how much I was NOT looking forward to it, and so on.
Four years later, I'm still not settled into a comfortable relationship with change. I am closer to it, I will admit. I have a lot more experience under my belt, along with a LOT more prayer. And if nothing else, I can look back at the last four years and have a perfect view of God's purposes in and ability to use change in my life.
Four years ago, I had dreams of being a cop who could interpret.
Today, I'm an interpreter who sighs dreamily every time a cop drives by.
Four years ago, I was fairly comfortable **READ: prideful** with my knowledge of the Bible.
Today, I know how little I know....and I yearn for more.
Four years ago, I had no idea what it truly meant to have accountability from sisters in Christ.
Today, I am blessed to be held to the standard of righteousness by several women of God.
Four years ago, I was terrified to leave my mom and dad.
Today, I'm just sad--not terrified--for I know that the Spirit of God binds us together through the distance.
Four years ago, I did not want to leave home, much less move 6 states away.
Next week, I'm getting married and moving a country away.....to my home, with my husband.
Four years ago, I had some understanding of who God is.
Today, He is my Father, my Teacher, my Healer, my Best Friend, my Beloved, and we grow more intimate every day.
And so I see that change, in all its harsh reality, is a gift from God. Through the turmoil, He opens our eyes to greater truths of His goodness and provision. In times of pain, we more clearly hear His voice. CS Lewis wrote: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
I have felt almost guilty admitting that in this time of such intense excitement, there is also a definite measure of pain. I never imagined that the days and weeks surrounding my wedding would feel, in small part, like a storm in my life. It feels wrong to say...but it is true. I have ZERO regrets about marrying Rob--I believe him to be the one God has made for me. I know that with him is where I am meant to be, and as Ruth understood, I am to go where he goes; his people are to be my people. Thankfully, his God is already my God!!! And that fact is what makes me assured that this change will be wonderful!!
Father, use this time of change to reveal to me your blessings, your Truth, your purpose for me in this lost and dying world. Thank you for pain, as it rids me of all distraction and turns me to you. Unstop these deaf ears to hear your direction, comfort, and hope. I love you, Abba!
"I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6
Four years later, I'm still not settled into a comfortable relationship with change. I am closer to it, I will admit. I have a lot more experience under my belt, along with a LOT more prayer. And if nothing else, I can look back at the last four years and have a perfect view of God's purposes in and ability to use change in my life.
Four years ago, I had dreams of being a cop who could interpret.
Today, I'm an interpreter who sighs dreamily every time a cop drives by.
Four years ago, I was fairly comfortable **READ: prideful** with my knowledge of the Bible.
Today, I know how little I know....and I yearn for more.
Four years ago, I had no idea what it truly meant to have accountability from sisters in Christ.
Today, I am blessed to be held to the standard of righteousness by several women of God.
Four years ago, I was terrified to leave my mom and dad.
Today, I'm just sad--not terrified--for I know that the Spirit of God binds us together through the distance.
Four years ago, I did not want to leave home, much less move 6 states away.
Next week, I'm getting married and moving a country away.....to my home, with my husband.
Four years ago, I had some understanding of who God is.
Today, He is my Father, my Teacher, my Healer, my Best Friend, my Beloved, and we grow more intimate every day.
And so I see that change, in all its harsh reality, is a gift from God. Through the turmoil, He opens our eyes to greater truths of His goodness and provision. In times of pain, we more clearly hear His voice. CS Lewis wrote: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
I have felt almost guilty admitting that in this time of such intense excitement, there is also a definite measure of pain. I never imagined that the days and weeks surrounding my wedding would feel, in small part, like a storm in my life. It feels wrong to say...but it is true. I have ZERO regrets about marrying Rob--I believe him to be the one God has made for me. I know that with him is where I am meant to be, and as Ruth understood, I am to go where he goes; his people are to be my people. Thankfully, his God is already my God!!! And that fact is what makes me assured that this change will be wonderful!!
Father, use this time of change to reveal to me your blessings, your Truth, your purpose for me in this lost and dying world. Thank you for pain, as it rids me of all distraction and turns me to you. Unstop these deaf ears to hear your direction, comfort, and hope. I love you, Abba!
"I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6
January 12, 2011
The Longing of a Bride
I finally feel like I can call myself the "bride-to-be". Something about being 16 months from marriage just didn't make that feel real practical, back when we first got engaged. But here I am, only 16 days from becoming Rob's wife. *deep breath* The time has come.
"The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous to behold!" Ps. 118:23
It has been a loooooooooooooooooooong 7 months since I last saw Rob. I so often find myself spending long minutes, sometimes hours, pondering how much I miss him and long to be with him, my beloved. Yet in this, I see a strange dichotomy--and I don't like what I see.
I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, and I am therefore a member of His Church, also depicted as His Bride. As such, I should be overwhelmed by intense longing for Him as my Beloved. I should spend hours longing to be in His presence (and thanks be to God, He has provided access to Himself through the renting of the veil by his death!). But instead of this desire, this devotion, this longing, I have mediocre times of quiet meditation, semi-productive periods of prayer, and quick e-mail-like petitions sent up throughout the day.
My relationship with Rob has only flourished through the distance because we have both determined to devote time, energy, and love to one another and to be very intentional about protecting the time we spend with one another. This has often come at a cost to other things in our lives, namely sleep and time with our families.
**On that note, I was listening to a sermon today that spoke of Jesus's comment that we must hate father and mother, brother and sister in order to follow him. This was not a command to love our families less, but to love Jesus most. I have seen myself willing to do this in my relationship with Rob as far as putting time with him above time with family or friends. However, I am so often unwilling to do it for my Savior, my Beloved.**
I pray that in this new year as the Lord teaches me to be a wife, a friend, a lover, and a help-meet, I determine within my heart to be a better lover and friend to the One who loves me above all else. I pray that He gently leads me into a lifestyle that places Him in the place of priority in my heart, above even Rob, my (ALMOST!) husband. I pray that I learn to devote time, energy, and love to my relationship with Christ to foster and grow and protect it, regardless of the cost.
"The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes, I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus." Revelation 22:17, 20
"The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous to behold!" Ps. 118:23
It has been a loooooooooooooooooooong 7 months since I last saw Rob. I so often find myself spending long minutes, sometimes hours, pondering how much I miss him and long to be with him, my beloved. Yet in this, I see a strange dichotomy--and I don't like what I see.
I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, and I am therefore a member of His Church, also depicted as His Bride. As such, I should be overwhelmed by intense longing for Him as my Beloved. I should spend hours longing to be in His presence (and thanks be to God, He has provided access to Himself through the renting of the veil by his death!). But instead of this desire, this devotion, this longing, I have mediocre times of quiet meditation, semi-productive periods of prayer, and quick e-mail-like petitions sent up throughout the day.
My relationship with Rob has only flourished through the distance because we have both determined to devote time, energy, and love to one another and to be very intentional about protecting the time we spend with one another. This has often come at a cost to other things in our lives, namely sleep and time with our families.
**On that note, I was listening to a sermon today that spoke of Jesus's comment that we must hate father and mother, brother and sister in order to follow him. This was not a command to love our families less, but to love Jesus most. I have seen myself willing to do this in my relationship with Rob as far as putting time with him above time with family or friends. However, I am so often unwilling to do it for my Savior, my Beloved.**
I pray that in this new year as the Lord teaches me to be a wife, a friend, a lover, and a help-meet, I determine within my heart to be a better lover and friend to the One who loves me above all else. I pray that He gently leads me into a lifestyle that places Him in the place of priority in my heart, above even Rob, my (ALMOST!) husband. I pray that I learn to devote time, energy, and love to my relationship with Christ to foster and grow and protect it, regardless of the cost.
"The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes, I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus." Revelation 22:17, 20
September 29, 2010
Trust me, Beloved
Trust me. That's what the Lord has been constantly whispering to my heart. I sure wish I were a better listener. I sometimes feel like those Israelites who had eyes but did not see and ears but did not hear. I know he's trustworthy. So why is it so hard?!
Yesterday we celebrated my birthday, and Mama and I realized that it was my first birthday at home in five years. The last time, I was turning 17. That seems like a lifetime ago. I have done so much growing since then....experienced so many more aspects of life......and yet I still have not learned to obey the Lord's command.....trust me.
So much is happening, yet time seems to move so slow. Then I turn around and realize that in five months, I will be a wife living a country away from all that is close and familiar. I can't wait, and yet I can't push it away fast enough. I'm scared, Lord. I know you say I'm to trust you. Heal me of my unbelief.
Trust me, Beloved.
Yesterday we celebrated my birthday, and Mama and I realized that it was my first birthday at home in five years. The last time, I was turning 17. That seems like a lifetime ago. I have done so much growing since then....experienced so many more aspects of life......and yet I still have not learned to obey the Lord's command.....trust me.
So much is happening, yet time seems to move so slow. Then I turn around and realize that in five months, I will be a wife living a country away from all that is close and familiar. I can't wait, and yet I can't push it away fast enough. I'm scared, Lord. I know you say I'm to trust you. Heal me of my unbelief.
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,
Which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
~ Psalm 125:1
I waited patiently for the Lord;
and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth--
PRAISE TO OUR GOD!
Many will see it and fear and will trust in the Lord.
~ Psalm 40:1-3
When my heart is overwhelmed,
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.
~ Psalm 61:2b
Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him,
for God is our refuge.
~ Psalm 62:8
Trust me, Beloved.
July 16, 2010
DIY-er
On the rare occasions that the creative urge hits me, I love being a do-it-yourself-er. I've found this happening a bit more often now that we're in the full swing of wedding planning. Part of this urge, I believe, comes from a desire not to be cheap, but to be thrifty. The wedding industry is so blown out of proportion it's ridiculous!!!
Thus far, I've been successful in transforming my mental visions into reality for the following two items:
--Guest book-esque item (I find the traditional guest book to be a waste of time since it will get shoved in a drawer and never seen or heard from again.)
--Unity candle set
It's kind of exhilarating to beat the industry at its own game. Take the candles, for example (see below). In total, I created three beautiful, unique candles WITH really cool stands for less than 20 bucks. One decorated unity candle alone would have cost me at least 25. And the guest book(ish)? $14.
DIY-ers save a lot of money and come out with really awesome products that NO ONE ELSE has. That's part of the fun--making something that's uniquely "us". While it's more time consuming to spend time making things, the sense of satisfaction (combined with the fact that I'm jobless, so what do I have more of: money or time?!) is completely worth the effort!
Thus far, I've been successful in transforming my mental visions into reality for the following two items:
--Guest book-esque item (I find the traditional guest book to be a waste of time since it will get shoved in a drawer and never seen or heard from again.)
--Unity candle set
It's kind of exhilarating to beat the industry at its own game. Take the candles, for example (see below). In total, I created three beautiful, unique candles WITH really cool stands for less than 20 bucks. One decorated unity candle alone would have cost me at least 25. And the guest book(ish)? $14.
DIY-ers save a lot of money and come out with really awesome products that NO ONE ELSE has. That's part of the fun--making something that's uniquely "us". While it's more time consuming to spend time making things, the sense of satisfaction (combined with the fact that I'm jobless, so what do I have more of: money or time?!) is completely worth the effort!
July 11, 2010
Blessings and Pain
I feel the need to post something of import, and looking in my heart, I realize that the ONLY truth I can proclaim that will add anything to your life is this:
Our GOD is great! HE is worthy of all praise and honor and glory! Nothing we are or have is of our own doing--all are gifts from His hand! Praise be to the Lord!
Life has been incredibly full of emotions these last few weeks (crazy: me+emotions? unheard of. right.) I spent four precious weeks with the earthly love of my life, and while those weeks exponentially multiplied any time we'd previously spent together, they were in no way enough time. My heart aches to be separated from him, and I am constantly seeking God's face as I ask him to reveal his purposes for this time.
Honestly, my hurting heart tells God that I don't think there's a point. I mean....really....I have no job here (yet). I have a 7 month period of waiting....which I'll have in Canada while I wait to be legal in order to get a job there....so why are we waiting to get married?!? The simple answer is: because God knows better. And this I must believe.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
I am so blessed. So. incredibly. blessed. If for no other reason, these seven months will be amazing because of the time I am being given to spend with Mama and Papa before I head permanently to the north country. Mama and I have already had a great time these last few days rediscovering what a great team we make as we do things like grocery shop, clean house, etc.
And yet even in this blessing there is pain. I just spent four years in NY learning to let go of my family and find a place of comfort and acceptance being far away from them. I will be having to go through that process all over again in January after living here for so long. Again, I don't understand God's purposes, though I know he has them.
More emotions roll as I ponder my little brother's upcoming wedding. I am so proud of him! He has grown and matured in the Lord so much over these last few years (though he still loves to "affect my gizzards". To him, that will never grow old.) And Courtney is awesome. She has been a blessing to me as we become friends, and I know she has been a great challenger to and blessing in Wesley's life. I know the Lord holds them and their marriage in His hands, and I must continue to lift them in prayer as well!
So much change, so little time....Lord, may I never become complacent or so bogged down by emotion that I forget or refuse to let you work! Open my eyes ever wider to Your intentions for my life. Use me as you see fit, not only to my benefit, but to the eternal needs of your Kingdom!
Our GOD is great! HE is worthy of all praise and honor and glory! Nothing we are or have is of our own doing--all are gifts from His hand! Praise be to the Lord!
Life has been incredibly full of emotions these last few weeks (crazy: me+emotions? unheard of. right.) I spent four precious weeks with the earthly love of my life, and while those weeks exponentially multiplied any time we'd previously spent together, they were in no way enough time. My heart aches to be separated from him, and I am constantly seeking God's face as I ask him to reveal his purposes for this time.
Honestly, my hurting heart tells God that I don't think there's a point. I mean....really....I have no job here (yet). I have a 7 month period of waiting....which I'll have in Canada while I wait to be legal in order to get a job there....so why are we waiting to get married?!? The simple answer is: because God knows better. And this I must believe.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
I am so blessed. So. incredibly. blessed. If for no other reason, these seven months will be amazing because of the time I am being given to spend with Mama and Papa before I head permanently to the north country. Mama and I have already had a great time these last few days rediscovering what a great team we make as we do things like grocery shop, clean house, etc.
And yet even in this blessing there is pain. I just spent four years in NY learning to let go of my family and find a place of comfort and acceptance being far away from them. I will be having to go through that process all over again in January after living here for so long. Again, I don't understand God's purposes, though I know he has them.
More emotions roll as I ponder my little brother's upcoming wedding. I am so proud of him! He has grown and matured in the Lord so much over these last few years (though he still loves to "affect my gizzards". To him, that will never grow old.) And Courtney is awesome. She has been a blessing to me as we become friends, and I know she has been a great challenger to and blessing in Wesley's life. I know the Lord holds them and their marriage in His hands, and I must continue to lift them in prayer as well!
So much change, so little time....Lord, may I never become complacent or so bogged down by emotion that I forget or refuse to let you work! Open my eyes ever wider to Your intentions for my life. Use me as you see fit, not only to my benefit, but to the eternal needs of your Kingdom!
May 19, 2010
Internship
Hey, all!
I finished my senior internship two weeks ago, ending my time in Rochester, NY, with Interpretek. Because the nature of this work is fraught with confidentiality, I don't have very much visual documentation of the work that I did over the last three months. I do have a couple pictures and one video I'm going to attempt to share here.
Perhaps one of the most fun experiences I had during my internship, one of the few in which I actually got to be a full fledged interpreter, was interpreting at the Rochester Red Wings' baseball games. The RWs are a minor league team that are feeders for the Minnesota Twins. Interpretek provides interpreters for all home games. This doesn't mean that we interpret everything that is commentaried during the course of a game; we interpret the opening comments, national anthem, and during the 7th inning stretch, Take me Out to the Ballgame and God Bless America. This experience was VERY exciting, and I got some free ballgames in the process! Below are pictures of opening night. Normally, there would only be two interpreters, one on each side of home plate (where I'm standing in the pictures). For opening night, we had 16 interpreters: four on each dugout and four 1st and 3rd baselines! It was super cool!
I finished my senior internship two weeks ago, ending my time in Rochester, NY, with Interpretek. Because the nature of this work is fraught with confidentiality, I don't have very much visual documentation of the work that I did over the last three months. I do have a couple pictures and one video I'm going to attempt to share here.
Perhaps one of the most fun experiences I had during my internship, one of the few in which I actually got to be a full fledged interpreter, was interpreting at the Rochester Red Wings' baseball games. The RWs are a minor league team that are feeders for the Minnesota Twins. Interpretek provides interpreters for all home games. This doesn't mean that we interpret everything that is commentaried during the course of a game; we interpret the opening comments, national anthem, and during the 7th inning stretch, Take me Out to the Ballgame and God Bless America. This experience was VERY exciting, and I got some free ballgames in the process! Below are pictures of opening night. Normally, there would only be two interpreters, one on each side of home plate (where I'm standing in the pictures). For opening night, we had 16 interpreters: four on each dugout and four 1st and 3rd baselines! It was super cool!
That's me on the right.
I'm between the Army band and the kids' choir.
It was FREEZING that night. It was mid april and the game temp was about 36. YUCK. It's extremely hard to interpret when you can't feel your fingers. I have three layers on, and if you know me, I'm NOT a layer person. But it was necessary.
I tried uploading the only video sample I have of my work, but I think the video was too large. The video was taped in a Master's level Social Work program that I got to interpret with my mentor all semester. I loved this assignment because it was a challenge for my interpreting skills and I got to learn tons of cool stuff without having to do the homework! If only we could end up with the degree....hmm ;-)
That's the update from here! Countdowns: 10 days till I see Rob, 11 days till I become a college graduate, and 254 days until I become a wife!
Blessings!
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