When I graduated from HS and headed for college, I remember being asked by one of my youth pastors to write something for their youth group blog. I wrote on change, how hard it was, how much I was NOT looking forward to it, and so on.
Four years later, I'm still not settled into a comfortable relationship with change. I am closer to it, I will admit. I have a lot more experience under my belt, along with a LOT more prayer. And if nothing else, I can look back at the last four years and have a perfect view of God's purposes in and ability to use change in my life.
Four years ago, I had dreams of being a cop who could interpret.
Today, I'm an interpreter who sighs dreamily every time a cop drives by.
Four years ago, I was fairly comfortable **READ: prideful** with my knowledge of the Bible.
Today, I know how little I know....and I yearn for more.
Four years ago, I had no idea what it truly meant to have accountability from sisters in Christ.
Today, I am blessed to be held to the standard of righteousness by several women of God.
Four years ago, I was terrified to leave my mom and dad.
Today, I'm just sad--not terrified--for I know that the Spirit of God binds us together through the distance.
Four years ago, I did not want to leave home, much less move 6 states away.
Next week, I'm getting married and moving a country away.....to my home, with my husband.
Four years ago, I had some understanding of who God is.
Today, He is my Father, my Teacher, my Healer, my Best Friend, my Beloved, and we grow more intimate every day.
And so I see that change, in all its harsh reality, is a gift from God. Through the turmoil, He opens our eyes to greater truths of His goodness and provision. In times of pain, we more clearly hear His voice. CS Lewis wrote: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
I have felt almost guilty admitting that in this time of such intense excitement, there is also a definite measure of pain. I never imagined that the days and weeks surrounding my wedding would feel, in small part, like a storm in my life. It feels wrong to say...but it is true. I have ZERO regrets about marrying Rob--I believe him to be the one God has made for me. I know that with him is where I am meant to be, and as Ruth understood, I am to go where he goes; his people are to be my people. Thankfully, his God is already my God!!! And that fact is what makes me assured that this change will be wonderful!!
Father, use this time of change to reveal to me your blessings, your Truth, your purpose for me in this lost and dying world. Thank you for pain, as it rids me of all distraction and turns me to you. Unstop these deaf ears to hear your direction, comfort, and hope. I love you, Abba!
"I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6
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