Blessings and Pain

I feel the need to post something of import, and looking in my heart, I realize that the ONLY truth I can proclaim that will add anything to your life is this:

Our GOD is great! HE is worthy of all praise and honor and glory! Nothing we are or have is of our own doing--all are gifts from His hand! Praise be to the Lord!

Life has been incredibly full of emotions these last few weeks (crazy: me+emotions? unheard of. right.) I spent four precious weeks with the earthly love of my life, and while those weeks exponentially multiplied any time we'd previously spent together, they were in no way enough time. My heart aches to be separated from him, and I am constantly seeking God's face as I ask him to reveal his purposes for this time.

Honestly, my hurting heart tells God that I don't think there's a point. I mean....really....I have no job here (yet). I have a 7 month period of waiting....which I'll have in Canada while I wait to be legal in order to get a job there....so why are we waiting to get married?!? The simple answer is: because God knows better. And this I must believe.

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

I am so blessed. So. incredibly. blessed. If for no other reason, these seven months will be amazing because of the time I am being given to spend with Mama and Papa before I head permanently to the north country. Mama and I have already had a great time these last few days rediscovering what a great team we make as we do things like grocery shop, clean house, etc.

And yet even in this blessing there is pain. I just spent four years in NY learning to let go of my family and find a place of comfort and acceptance being far away from them. I will be having to go through that process all over again in January after living here for so long. Again, I don't understand God's purposes, though I know he has them.

More emotions roll as I ponder my little brother's upcoming wedding. I am so proud of him! He has grown and matured in the Lord so much over these last few years (though he still loves to "affect my gizzards". To him, that will never grow old.) And Courtney is awesome. She has been a blessing to me as we become friends, and I know she has been a great challenger to and blessing in Wesley's life. I know the Lord holds them and their marriage in His hands, and I must continue to lift them in prayer as well!

So much change, so little time....Lord, may I never become complacent or so bogged down by emotion that I forget or refuse to let you work! Open my eyes ever wider to Your intentions for my life. Use me as you see fit, not only to my benefit, but to the eternal needs of your Kingdom!